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Wednesday, April 25th, 2012
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4:49 pm - In Twenty Years I Will Be Fifty And Longing For Thirty
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I don't know at what point I stopped being an amazing planner. I think it was about 30 seconds after I walked down the aisle in Vegas. Let me tell you since then I have yet to plan a major event. I have come close a couple of times but for one reason or another always cancelled said plans. Don't get me wrong it's not like I don't do stuff...I have thrown together many nights out with a group of friends, bbq's, coffee dates, etc. What I mean is I use to plan elaborate parties. Christmas parties, Birthday parties, Halloween Parties, St. Patrick’s Day parties...you get the idea. Those fuckers had it all....from the mailed invites, right down to the food matching the theme, to bales of straw INSIDE my house for a rockin' cowboy themed afternoon of fun. They always turned out amazingly and everyone had a great time. Now I don't know exactly what has changed in me...because lets face it kiddies...I have changed a lot in the past five years! Part of me knows I got tired of being the one who always organized everything for the group of friends. Part of me got sincerely sick of people who can't give a straight answer as to if they would show up or not. A huge part of me got tired of trying to keep up with the who isn't talking to who drama and who hates who this week and can I invite this person or that person without causing bloodshed in my living room. I guess it all just got to be too much. So when faced with my upcoming thirtieth birthday I was torn. After Vegas not working out thanks to a number of circumstances and having to be an adult and pay for stuff as opposed to blowing all the money in Vegas. Things like a new hot water tank, furnace repair, new fence, etc had to come first...BOO... Anyways I've been trying to decide for weeks what to do...with nothing sounding just right. I tossed around the idea of renting limo's and going clubbing in Vancouver, going camping, etc. Nothing sounded appealing. I knew there were a few other issues floating around in my head I won't get into here that were keeping me from making any solid plans. However on Sunday I decided I would throw out the invite to a few friends to come over this weekend for a BBQ and who knows where the night will take us. I went out with Kev and we bought some party supplies...I didn't stress over theme or color...just sort of rolled with it. I figured I don't care who shows up..I am not making a huge deal out of it but 30.....it's hitting me hard.
I know some people don't understand why 30 is such a big deal to me...as it's just another year...just a number, to me it's more than a number. 30 signify the end of being young. Not becoming an adult because I have been an adult for a really long time...Hello University education, full time jobs, home ownership, bills, car payments, marriage, mistakes, etc. For me thirty is the age at which there are no more excuses. The age in which I feel like people should have their shit together. They should know if they want kids, if they are happy with their work, they should have RRSP's and be planning for a future for of their families needs, and retirement. Hence I feel the age at which you can no longer do things because they amuse you...the age at which everything one does should have a purpose. Hopefully I will mellow out with these thoughts as they kind of suck!
My goal for the weekend is to enjoy my birthday, hang out with friends and just generally enjoy life because really when you think long and hard about it.....life is too short to worry about what might have been, what could be or really anything but what is right in the here and now. Which is kind of contradictory to how I feel about turning thirty...but you know what they say!!!! Fake it till you make it!!!
current mood:  contemplative
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| Monday, April 23rd, 2012
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2:35 pm - I Have Been Here Many Times Before......
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Despite my feelings on life and everything happening for a reason...As I approach 30 I realize given the chance....I would do a lot of things different.
If you knew it was going to be our last dance would you have asked that band to play on and on?
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| Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012
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2:29 pm - Drop Everything Now....
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The way you move is like a full on rainstorm
And I'm a house of cards
You're the kind of reckless
That should send me runnin'
But I kinda know that I won't get far
And you stood there in front of me
Just close enough to touch
Close enough to hope you couldn't see
What I was thinking of
Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile
My mind forgets to remind me
You're a bad idea
You touch me once and it's really something,
You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be.
I'm on my guard for the rest of the world
But with you I know it's no good
And I could wait patiently but I really wish you would...
Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile
I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild.
Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it's just wrong enough to make it feel right.
Lead me up the staircase
Won't you whisper soft and slow?
I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show.
Drop everything now,
Meet me in the pouring rain,
Kiss me on the sidewalk,
Take away the pain
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile.
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile
The sparks fly...
Oh, baby, smile...
The sparks fly...
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| Thursday, March 29th, 2012
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1:35 pm - LEARNING
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To use my new Samsung tab :-) Note to self don't throw new toy!
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| Wednesday, March 28th, 2012
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10:27 am - It's Like A Curse That Is The Cure.....
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No one can make me cry, make me laugh, make me smile, drive me mad like you do.
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| Monday, March 12th, 2012
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10:57 am - Before We Were Lovers I Swear We Were Friends.....
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| Wednesday, March 7th, 2012
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9:50 am - Driving Me Crazy
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This bed is on fire with passionate love
The neighbors complain about the noises above
But she only comes when she's on top
My therapist said not to see you no more
She said you're like a disease without any cure
She said I'm so obsessed that I'm becoming a bore, oh no
Ah, you think you're so pretty...
Caught your hand inside the till
Slammed your fingers in the door
Fought with kitchen knives and skewers
Dressed me up in womens' clothes
Messed around with gender roles
Line my eyes and call me pretty
Moved out of the house so you moved next door
I locked you out, you cut a hole in the wall
I found you sleeping next to me, I thought I was alone
You're driving me crazy
When are you coming home?
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| Tuesday, March 6th, 2012
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6:35 pm - Maybe Nothing Lasts Forever....
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Everything is so wrong....did you know? Could you tell...you're the only one I ever loved..does it ever make you cry?
You're my Favorite mistake.
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| Monday, March 5th, 2012
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12:30 am - Emma's Giant Birthday Cupcake!!!
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| Tuesday, February 28th, 2012
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1:57 am - 2 Weeks.....
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Have past and my daily posting has been side tracked by a number of recent events. I have been busy doing a hundred different things and enjoying the majority of them!
My parents were in a fairly bad car accident on the 15th which pretty much caused me to lose track of my daily posting as well as that whole four day weekend. I spent the better part of Wednesday night / Thursday morning depending on how you want to look at it in the hospital with them. Getting the news your parents have been in a car accident is never easy. I don't want to go into detail about injuries and such in an open forum such as this. Though I will say their vehicle was a write off and after seeing it I am shocked and thankful things didn't end much worse. That night taught me a couple things that's for sure. Number one...I have become very very calm in comparison to what I use to be like. I have been noticing this about myself for the last few months when major incidents occurred...like when my brother was unresponsive thanks to a skillful self inflicted blow to the nog! I have always been calm in emergencies that are work related...working as a nurse sort of requires one to be calm. Though I was always sort of high-strung when it came to personal matters and family events, I find I am no longer the freak out and panic type. I tend to stay calm, take the situation for what it is and handle things one at a time as they come at me. I think this has come about for a number of reasons, one of which being the fact I am making a valid effort to stay centered and present in my everyday life activities. Anyways the second thing that night reminded me/taught me and the most important in my opinion is how thankful I am to have Kevin. When I saw him walking across the parking lot towards the ER, it took everything in me not to sprint to him and jump into his arms. I would be lying if I told you I succeeded at both not sprinting and not jumping into his arms...there was jumping :P Kevin and I had a rough few months over the course of last year...things I won't get into here. I will however say I am grateful for what I have learned about myself, others, life, love, forgiveness, and trust. It was in that moment in the hospital parking lot where I whole heartedly felt at home in his arms.
On the fitness front I am still going strong despite Katie's threats to kill me in the middle of a speed drill class last Thursday...it was an awesome/memorable moment in time friends ;) Though not nearly as great as when she laid down mid-class and flat out refused to do pushups and the instructor just stood there stunned!!! I enjoyed a muddy run last weekend and am looking forward to taking a few more group classes. Group fitness classes have never been my thing....but they will have to be my thing as that is my March goal! Take more group fitness classes!
On the topic of goals...February's goals was to spend more time with friends. I would say this goal was accomplished and fully enjoyed! There were bar nights, coffee dates, gym dates, phone calls/msn/bbm chats with far away friends, gummy bear and wine nights, dinners, froyo dates and just a lot of fun times. I opted out of a few events I had originally thought I would attend but have no regrets for the time I spent with friends over the course of the last month!!!
This past weekend saw a rather large group of us go out for a night of drinking...I shocked everyone involved by not drinking. I can't tell you how many times I was asked if I was pregnant! I am not...I however was having issues with my heart rate all day after 3 hours of exercise in the early part of the day and didn't really think adding alcohol into the mix was a good idea...so I rocked the water all night long..How cool am I! However I learned two things...the bar is a whole different animal when you're the sober one in the group and two...the next morning is way less painful. I can safely tell you I had just as much if not more fun on Saturday night without booze then I normally do when drinking and I avoided the extra calories and nasty side effects! It was a win win bitches....though after seeing a few of the pictures I questioned if someone spiked my water...that awesome ;) It might have been the first time I ever said I would be the DD and actually didn't drink... there really is a first time for everything!
I am in the process of making some major choices in my life....one of them has already been made and it's just a daily learning process at this point. Sometimes in life you have to do things that hurt in order to better yourself/ protect your own wellbeing. Sometimes you have to close a door to see the whole picture in front of you. I guess it's that whole close a door and window opens scenario. The second issue I am torn with because like everyone I hate change but feel it is necessary to grow and fully appreciate life. What I do know is you can't let anyone make major choices for you...you can only make them when you decide it's time, when you are ready to deal with them! Things happen because they are meant to happen. Everything has a reason and even though we can't see it or fully understand it...the reason is there....somewhere!
This past weekend was a lot of fun and went by entirely too quickly. I am already sorely wishing for Wednesday and being curled up in my own bed with Kevin and my fur babies! I am looking forward to Emma's birthday party this weekend and a host of other things on the horizon. I really wish spring would show up quicker as I long for more daylight and the thought of summer brings about so many day dreams of hours of swimming, patio parties, hiking, camping, horseback riding, etc.
current mood:  loved
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| Tuesday, February 14th, 2012
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11:40 pm - Happy Valentine's Day
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I thought about re-posting the rant I posted last year about people who bitch about Valentines day but honestly...those losers are miserable enough ;) I loved that all day long 99% of the posts I saw on facebook where people bitching about having to hear about v-day...ummm Geniuses..the only reason we are hearing about it is because you're ranting about it!!!
Kevin came to visit me at work today and brought me a pretty Zebra plant...it matches the plant he got me last year that I adore! I am not sure which part of no gifts he misunderstood!!!
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| Monday, February 13th, 2012
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9:28 pm - I'm A Fox!!!
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One day down...two to go.
Sometimes it is hard to bite my tounge and not say the things I want to.
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| Sunday, February 12th, 2012
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11:29 pm - DO NOT WANT!!!!!
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| Saturday, February 11th, 2012
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9:04 am - Looking Forward....
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to a fun filled day with my husband and later with some friends...But first off to the gym with my Sister in law/BFF/Partner in crime.
current mood: excited
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| Friday, February 10th, 2012
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9:24 pm - Exhaustion
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I went to the gym, I went for a run, I walked Muffin and yet I still feel like I haven't done enough today and now feel very guilty for eating dinner. FML
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| Thursday, February 9th, 2012
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10:49 pm - Stripper Pole....
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1.5 hours at the gym, stretching, and a walk with Muffin = Productive day
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| Wednesday, February 8th, 2012
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2:51 am - Dear Three AM....
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I don't want to play with you...I really should go to bed!!
current mood: amused
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| Tuesday, February 7th, 2012
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7:37 pm - It's My Life And It's Now Or Never.....
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It is sometimes hard to take compliments but I got two of the same compliment today from two different friends and they have left me feeling very proud and with a renewed sense of dedication.
Two of my girlfriends told me what an inspiration my weight loss and lifestyle change has been for them and that seeing it work for someone has made them realize they too can do it!
I didn't really talk much about it or post much about it but there was a few times over the last four months I thought long and hard about giving up on the whole weight loss thing. I faced a rather ugly plateau that saw me playing with the same 2 pounds week in and week out. I thought about quiting, I thought about binge eating, I thought a lot about starving myself like I use to. It was hard but hopefully I have seen the last of any sort of plateau for a while. My body seems to finally be back on my side for the last few weeks. But I can tell you the last few months taught me just how dedicated and strong I am. It has reminded me that if I want something bad enough I am the only one who can achieve it. No one can do this for me. I realize now just how far I have come and I don't want to go back to where I came from. The end is in site and I have every intention of crossing that line.
When I first started this journey I had given myself a very rigid timetable. I wanted to lose X number of pounds by a certain date, and be a size whatever before I turned 30. As the time has passed I have come to realize this journey is more important then a number on the scale or the number on the tag in my pants. This journey is about my life, my health, and the love I have for myself. Sure I may never be a perfect size 6 but what I am and what I will be is much better... Because what I am and aim to be is healthy, strong and dedicated.
current mood:  energetic
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| Monday, February 6th, 2012
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6:02 pm - Monday....
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I wish I had brought the flowers Kev bought be on the weekend to work.
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| Sunday, February 5th, 2012
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11:24 pm - Weekend Recap
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I had a fantastic weekend. I saw lots of friends and we even managed to make the best out of a bad situation!
Wednesday night Katie picked me up at work and we went for frozen yogurt...because im an adult..I can eat frozen yogurt for dinner if I damn well please ;)
On Thursday Katie and I headed off to our weigh in and I was pleased to be down 3.3 pounds for the week...the best weigh in i've had in a long time. Afterwards I met up with Chris for coffee and some errands. Upon returning home Kevin and I decided we should feed my starving ass and went out for lunch and did some stuff we needed to get done. We returned home and Muffin and I went for a walk before Kev headed off to work. Krista and I headed to the gym and ran into another friend. Krista and I had some laughs which always makes the workout go faster. I was glad to be done the work out tho..I won't lie to any of you!!! I spent the rest of the evening out with Chris for drinks and trying my best to not laugh at a random drunk girl who kept falling down...FYI apparently im not a nice person!!!
Friday started off with a walk with Muffin and then a 45 minute adventure at the gym with Katie before her and I hit the park for some hard core running. It felt amazing! Once we were done we headed back to my house for much needed lunch and foam rolling, which Muffin decided was the perfect time to give me 4000 puppy kisses! She wasn't stopped. Kevin and I managed to finally leave the be...house and get a few things done before picking Emma up from her mom's house. By the time I managed to get dinner I was so hungry I had already thought about eating my own hand. After dinner I fell asleep on the couch before being woken up by text messages from friends. Kevin and I decided to not be lame and not go to bed at 9 pm!!!! We headed into walnut grove to hang out with a few friends and have some wine. It was a nice, relaxed time with good friends, good wine and a cute kitty! A perfect way to spend out Friday night.
Saturday was an eventful day...I headed off to the gym and then went out for lunch with Kev, because apparently this weekend was the weekend we decided to not eat at home!!! We returned home by 4 as I was expecting a lady to come buy some of my Pyrex dishes...she didn't show up until after 5 pm. Kevin and I then had to rush to make it into White Rock in time for dinner with Becky, Sean, Katie and Matt!! It was then our adventure started!!!! We had by far the worst dining experience of our entire lives. From hair in our food, raw burgers, horrible service, over priced meals, to long wait times and missed dishes...we had it all!!!
We went to a place called Silante by the pier, There were many empty tables upon our arrival yet we still received attitude from the hostess about not having a reservation! Once seated at our table it took 15 minutes for our drink order to even be taken and another 10 minutes for the drinks to arrive at the table. When they did arrive 2 of the 6 drinks were wrong. If this had been the only issue we would have been fine but it only went downhill from there!!
Our appys were brought out one at a time 5 minutes apart and the first appy came with no cutlery and burnt. We had to ask three times before we would even be given forks. At which point we were given 2 for a table of 6!!!! There was hair in the calamari and the muscles which came out 10 minutes after the first appy tasted much too fishy to be anywhere near fresh. Again we tried to make the best of a bad situation.
All of our drinks sat empty with no offer of another drink order...we had to ask three times!
When our meals started coming out again they were brought out one at a time. Each one a little worse than the last.
Meal #1 Salad with halibut, "tiger prawns", and smoked salmon...which had been ordered with the request of extra veggies. What was brought to the table was a bed of greens with half a red onion and a quarter of a tomato...no sign of extra veggies..4 of the tiniest "tiger prawns" anyone had ever seen and piece of halibut 2 inches in length and one inch across! Not worth the price tag but sadly would be the only eatable thing to hit our table!!!
Meals # 2 and 3 - Burgers and French fries. Both burgers were blood raw and the french fries were dark brown burnt! One burger had been ordered "plain" Matt asked for nothing on the burger other then the meat and the bun. Burger arrived at the table covered in sauce.It was then taken back to the kitchen by the server and put on a new bun...burger itself was still covered in sauce. Upon discovering the rawness of the meat both meals were sent back and returned over cooked with semi raw french fries! Gravy sides that were ordered never did come to the table!
Meal #4 Philly steak wrap....menu description said it had chunks of steak, peppers, onions and cream cheese. The wrap came to the table so soaked in cream cheese sort of sauce the wrap shell itself was falling apart from being liquid soaked. The meat inside the wrap more resembled pork fat then any sort of beef. It was pure gristle and 100% uneatable.
Meal #5 Burger...This one was the opposite of the other 2 and was burnt.
Meal #6 Portobello mushroom burger with french fries...This meal was brought to the table 10 minutes after everyone else's and was brought with sweet potato fries despite the fact Becky had ordered normal fries. The burger itself was barely warm and flavorless.
The server himself was the only saving grace of the night as he was very apologetic and was clearly frazzled as he was the only one on shift other than a food runner who was also doubling as a bar tender. We all stayed very calm and realized every error was not his fault. We asked to talk to the manager only to be informed the manager is the owner and he is also the only one manning the grill and refused to come out!!!!
In the end the server told us he was sorry and the entire bill would be taken care of as it was one horrible issue after another. While not charging us for the experience was a nice gesture at this point it was too little too late. It by no means was a meal as no one but one guest ate. We over heard 2 other tables having the same problems as our table. This entire experience spanned well over 2 hours and everyone left hungry and disappointed. Near the end the hostess/bar tender/ food runner was turning away guests telling them the restaurant was "full for the night". I think this was the only good thing we saw happen!!!
We tried our best to make the best of it and while thankfully we were in good company with our group of friends there was nothing that could salvage the dining experience! We ended up going for frozen yogurt and despite the horrible meal incident had a great night and lots of laughs. After that Becky and Sean had to go so the four of us headed to another pub for a couple drinks and some actual food. We had a much better dining experience at the pub!!! Kevin and I had originally planned to head out to another friends birthday party but were informed part way through the night that the party was a huge bust and didn't bother wasting our time going. Instead he and I headed back towards home and hit up another pub for a couple more drinks. At this point the waitress decided to help out "operation get the wife hammered" and brought us free shooters. Very helpful indeed ;) I'm sure you can figure out how that story ends!!!
As for today I managed to roll myself out of bed and head to the gym for an hour long workout and was happy as could be when it was over knowing I now have a few workout free days ahead of me. I came home and met with another lady who bought some more of my Pyrex dishes, meaning I sold over 100 dollars worth this weekend!! After that was all delt with Kevin and I decided to take Emma out for lunch and for a walk in the park with Muffin. The weather this weekend was amazing and couldn't be wasted inside! Overall we had a fantastic day but I as sad to see it end when Kevin headed off to work and I followed shortly afterwards going to work myself.
I guess all good things have to end eventually :)
current mood: content
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