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Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014
11:31 pm - Starting Over

“You only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low.”

It’s been a while since I posted anything! I figured today is as good as any to change that. It’s been a long few months. Being off work has not been anything I expected it to be. I have found myself with zero motivation to eat healthy, workout, etc. I have taken giant strides backwards from where I was because running and working out has caused me too much pain. My mental struggles of being unable to get my body to work with me has been a frustrating experience.

On Monday Kevin and I met with Chris, a personal trainer at a new local gym. We spent four hours with him and it was an amazing experience. Having the chance to voice my experiences and frustrations was almost a cleansing experience. I walked away from the session having realized a number of things.

I realized I have spent the last months letting my illness get the best of me both physically and mentally. I have spent all my time focusing on where I’ve been and not where I’m going. I let the past cloud my vision of where I am today and what I need to do to take care of myself.

I realized I have forgotten to pay attention to what my body can do VS what the Lupus says it can’t. I need to be more realistic about my training goals. I need to embrace the good days and accept the bad days with a little more understanding and grace.

Chris reminded me that those bad days are going to be that much worse if I give up all together. Things will be harder if I continue to let my healthy eating slide.

Somedays I won’t be able to do a full workout or run. Somedays I’m going to hurt. Somedays I’m going to make poor food choices but that doesn’t mean I need to give up completely. One slip doesn’t mean I need to fall off the mountain and sit idly by and let it crumble on top of me.

On Monday I decided to spend the next 30 days embracing the life I have. I decided to go back to square one. The past is done with and where I was 6 months ago, a year ago, 2 years ago no longer has any bearing in where I am today! I’ve decided to embrace what I learned and what I was capable of in the past but to leave it alone and start fresh.

My main goal is to listen to my body. Going back to basics will hopefully reenforce the good healthy habits I know I am capable of embracing. Starting fresh gives me a chance to relearn what works for me right now.

Last night I took the trainers advice and took Muffin for a brisk 30 minute walk to warm up my muscles before jumping on the treadmill and attempting my first “back to basics run” of hopefully many. I walked as I needed and felt strong the whole time! Afterwards again at chris’ advice I spent a good amount of time stretching and foam rolling to avoid aches and hip pain. This morning when I woke up I stretched my legs and was thrilled to feel no post run pain! This was a huge victory for me and reminded me that even though my body isn’t perfect and lupus kicks my ass it can still do some amazing things! I am cautiously optimistic regarding my running. I know I can’t push it and I know that if the Lupus pain flares up I need to reevaluate things. But for today I’m calling it a win!

Today was a gorgeous day and we took Muffin to the park for a 3 km walk. It was nice to be out in the sunshine and fresh air. We came home and made a healthy dinner and then I headed off to the gym for an hour workout.

I keep picturing the little tortoise,from the children’s book The Tortoise and The Hare, not because I feel like I’m racing anyone or myself but because he reminds me that dedication and determination are the stepping stones to my own success.

I’ve spent too much time letting my self perceived failures dictate my current endeavors. I was reminded that nothing is a failure, it’s simply an experience. I realize that despite feeling good the last few days my body will undoubtedly challenge me again in the near future and that is why I realize it’s best for me to take baby steps one day at a time. As cliche as it sounds I really believe baby steps are the answer to my getting back on track. Maybe in a few months I will be strong enough to set more substantial goals, or maybe I won’t. Either way I’m fully committed to starting fresh and embracing myself and all the things my body and mind are capable of doing. It’s a much better option than the self sabotage I’ve grown accustom to the last 6 months!

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Sunday, March 9th, 2014
10:59 pm - Parks Her Car Outside Your House And Takes Her Clothes Off

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Friday, February 28th, 2014
12:27 am - Where Does The Time Go

And how does it get away from us so quick?!? It feels like it was just yesterday I was feeling anxious over my last day of work. How is it really the last day of February? How is Vegas just around the corner? Where did the last 6 months go?

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Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
12:34 pm - "Idle hands are Devil's handiwork

Could you look me in the eye and tell me that you're happy now?

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Friday, February 14th, 2014
7:50 pm - Valentines Day 2014

So despite agreeing to not make a big deal over Valentines day Kevin spoiled me today.

The bunny is a replica of one I had as a child and I absolutely adore it! Part of me wants to tuck it away for our first born but I can't seem to stop holding on to it!

We had an impromptu lunch date at Montana's while waiting for Kal Tire to check out our tire situation! Afterwards he took me to the antique mall.

I feel very lucky today as I feel pretty good! Pain free days have been few and far between!

I got spoiled earlier in the week when my Secret Valentine from our online group arrived!

Muffin was pretty thrilled with her Tenderheart squeak toy we got her for Valentines day!

I hope everyone got to spend some quality time with the one they love or at least got a chance to spoil them-self a little today!

Happy Valentines day!! ❤

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Sunday, February 9th, 2014
11:01 am - Quiet Peacefulness

This weekend was quiet, un-rushed, and enjoyable!

On Friday Kevin and I were lucky enough to take part in a owl encounter at Campbell valley park in Langley. A group of us got to be escorted into the park at night while a field naturalist used owl calls to draw these amazing creatures to our location. It was such an amazing experience. We stood perfectly still as a Barred owl flew just meters over our heads before engaging in a full on owl song! He returned the naturalists calls for over a half hour! It was nothing like I've ever heard or experienced. It was amazing and I'm extremely thankful to have had the opportunity to take part!

Being in the park in the dead of night also reminded me how thankful I am it is protected. I am pleased our efforts to save the park from racing were successful.

Our earth is too quickly losing these vast areas of forest and we need to work together to protect what is left!

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Friday, January 31st, 2014
12:41 am - Pour Ti Volaré

When you look in the mirror and don't know who you are anymore. When 4 months flies by in the blink of an eye. When the days are a blur of physical pain and mental exhaustion.

Sometimes late at night I realize the old me is a million miles away. When I question if I should just give in. Would the pain lessen? Would it work? Would I be one of the lucky few? Would it just make it worse?

What if?

What if every single day wasn't a minefield?

What if the simplistic life I long for was in my reach?

What if the smallest things didn't feel monumental?

What if the old me wasn't gone?

What if I wasn't constantly knocked down?

What if all the effort I put in wasn't destroyed because my body realized it didn't need to attack itself?

What if!

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Monday, January 6th, 2014
2:37 pm - Mushroom Farmer!

That's right I'm a mushroom farmer! Well at least I'm attempting to be a mushroom farmer!!!

I'm so hardcore it hurts ;)

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Friday, December 20th, 2013
9:24 pm - Content In The Kitchen

A few of the christmas treats I've whipped up the last couple of days! I am so thankful for my love of cooking and baking and being able to share my gift with friends and family!

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Tuesday, December 17th, 2013
7:42 pm - Best Advice Ever

"Stand By Your Man" Tammy Wynette

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman
Giving all your love to just one man
You'll have bad times
And he'll have good times
Doin things that you don't understand
But if you love him
You'll forgive him
Even though he's hard to understand
And if you love him
Oh, be proud of him
Cause after all he's just a man

Stand by your man
Give him two arms to cling to
And something warm to come to
when nights are cold and lonely

Stand by your man
And show the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can

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Friday, December 13th, 2013
12:02 am - Thankful Thursday ~December 12

I know I missed thankful Thursday last week! To be honest with you it took me a long time to figure out why. Then I remembered last Thursday Kevin and I got a start on our Christmas shopping! Then we took a few hours Friday and finished the shopping. We were a very efficient shopping team! By the time we got home I was exhausted! I think I passed out very early.

Yesterday we went out to Aldor acres and went tree hunting! I love Aldor Acres farm! Not only did we get the perfect little tree again this year we got to see all the adorable farm animals including day old baby goats and 6 week old kittens!! I didn't want to leave! If you ever find yourself in Fort Langley check out the farm! It's an amazing family run farm that has a huge pumpkins patch in the fall and u cut tree lot for that perfect christmas tree! It is also a working dairy farm! Lots to see and learn.

So back to what I am thankful for! Tonight I wrapped all the christmas gifts. I am thankful that this year christmas has zero stress attached to it for us. The tree is up, gifts are bought and wrapped, lights are up, the personalized advent calendar for Kevin has been a huge hit so far! It's nice to know we can just sit back and enjoy the season.

We are going to make a trip to the local animal shelter and hopefully OWL this coming week to drop of a donation of supplies. Most shelters have their need listed on their website.

We are also going to pick up a couple toys and some groceries for our local food and toy bank. I am extremely thankful that we are able to do these things to help our community. It may not be much but every little bit helps.

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Wednesday, December 11th, 2013
12:13 am - "Thinking How It Use To Be Before Everything Went Bad"

Last weekend I had to give in and not run the Santa Shuffle. It sucked, I cried. It's not the end of the world but it made me sad to miss out on something I was looking forward to months because if health issues. I'm frustrated with the pain, the weight gain and my own stubbornness.

Life ain't always what you think it ought to be. Sometimes it's better and other times its worse. Somedays are bound to be better then others, that's just the way it is.

I think back to writing about being thankful when my body allowed be to run, work out, hike, etc. I am still thankful just frustrated. I'm allowed to be frustrated. It's just a reminder to not take things for granted.

Ever have one of those moments where you know it's time to put your game face on?

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Wednesday, December 4th, 2013
3:38 pm - Had It Been Another Day I Might Have Looked The Other Way

"I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass"

Ever think back on something and realize you can't remember? Those moments you realize something that once meant so much to you is gone. Those moments that may not have seemed huge at the time seem to now hold more meaning then you ever thought possible? Ever feel uncomfortable around someone who once knew you better then you know yourself?

I guess it's all side effects of changing seasons. People change, time changes things.

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Sunday, December 1st, 2013
6:00 pm

Life brings us to unexpected brings us home.

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Saturday, November 30th, 2013
9:44 pm - Sometimes He Just Knows

I'm having a hard time lately. I'm feeling very overwhelmed despite not having anything to really be overwhelmed with. I think im still figuring out how to feel with the not working thing.

I'm trying to figure out why my eating has become so disordered again. I think I mostly just need to step back and relax!

I feel so silly even saying that because I don't feel at all stressed! This is the least stressful my life had been in a long long time!

Is it possible I'm worrying too much over things I have no control issue?!?
Or am I just a crazy girl?!?

Today Kevin bought me an elf on the shelf! He took me shopping to get my favorite groceries and just walked in with a Reese peanut butter cup Christmas tree for me! Sometimes he just knows.

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Friday, November 29th, 2013
11:27 am - Thankful Thursday ~ November 28

I spent yesterday cooking up a turkey feast for my family. We decided to celebrate American Thanksgiving and by the time everyone left I was exhausted! Content but exhausted. I planted myself on the couch, sipped a vodka and cranberry in a fancy glass and promptly fell asleep!

As many of you know our family has been dealt a rather tough hand in the autoimmune department. My brother has a swiftly progressive form of Multiple sclerosis and I have my ever annoying bout of Lupus. We take life one day at a time and do what we can when we can! I for one am a firm believer that its not the hand life deals you that matters it's how you play it!

Yesterday when the mail arrived my brother handed me a card. I ripped it open and upon reading it my eyes instantly filled with tears. Back in the spring a large group of us formed a team for our local MS walk. We did amazing in the fundraising department thanks to all our generous friends, family, coworkers and even strangers. I was shocked how much we raised as a team! The card I received yesterday was a thank you card. It was from a local girl who received a new wheelchair from the MS society thanks in large part to our fundraising efforts.

Of course I knew our donations and efforts were for a great cause but receiving that card really drove it home for me.

This thankful Thursday found me being acutely aware of how much something I did made someone else so thankful. I am not really sure how to verbalize my feelings on this. I am thankful our efforts made such a difference in someone's life. I am thankful I was able to do something like that for someone else. I am thankful for all those who donated and fundraised. I am thankful that despite these auto immune issues that change my brother and I's daily life we still bonded together to try to help others.

I look around my house, my life and realize I am extremely blessed. There is very little I do without. I am spoiled. I have more then I need. I know this, I acknowledge it and I am thankful for what I have. My life is full of little things that bring me comfort and make me happy. Things many people can't afford. My home is warm and cozy, my clothes are warm and cozy. My heart is full of love for and from those around me. I am thankful that I am blessed enough to be able to help others.

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Monday, November 25th, 2013
8:46 am - This Made My Morning!

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Thursday, November 21st, 2013
10:52 pm - Thankful Thursday ~ November 21

I am gonna keep this short and sweet because I'm exhausted and still battling a cold!

I am thankful for the woman who saw our house was on fire on Monday and called 911! I am thankful my brother and husband stayed calm and battled the fire until the firemen arrived and I am most thankful no one was injured and the damages are much less severe then they could have been.

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Saturday, November 9th, 2013
9:51 pm - Exhaustion

My day was nothing like I planed and I am ok with that!

I woke up at 7 am for no good reason! I had tea with the girls before Krista demanded I get dressed and go out with her!

Today we visited a few of my favorite places! Lepp farms , Campbell's gold meadery, David's tea, etc.

I got puppy cuddles, I made a late lunch for Kev and D and then relaxed with a glass of amazing wine that Chris made! I texted sandra my appreciation of her mans delish wine! I chatted with Katie on the phone, had an amazing steak dinner with the love of my life and then a shower with a few of my favorite Lush products!

I just polished off a cup of lime tea and I'm pretty sure this girl isn't going to make it to 10 pm!!!

Goodnight :)

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Thursday, November 7th, 2013
10:04 pm - Thankful Thursday ~ November 7

I recently heard some good advice and it really struck a cord with me. There is no harder there is just hard! Stop trying to convey to people why your life is harder than theirs. It isn't a contest! Stop living in a world where you are constantly comparing yourself to others. Just live and for the love of God don't apologize to anyone for being true to yourself!

None of us can actually live in anyone else's shoes so we can't ever truly understand how things wear on anyone else. This doesn't mean we can't be empathetic and caring. What it does mean is that you have no right to tell someone your hard is harder then their hard!

At the same time realize that being empathetic means not comparing apples to oranges! Don't tell someone who just had their leg amputated that you know how they feel because last summer you broke your leg! Don't pretend to have all the answers to a situation you know nothing about.

Don't throw stones in your house of glass because eventually you will find yourself standing in the cold all alone!

Don't lie or twist a story to make yourself a hero , eventually your true colors will be glaringly obvious to everyone else even if you are still blind to them!

You maybe wondering what all of this has to do with Thankful Thursday! Well tonight I would like to tell you how thankful I am that I've learned to be true to myself.

I am thankful that I am not a door mat for others. I am thankful I have enough self worth to stand up for my beliefs and challenge those who try to make me feel like less of a person!

I am thankful I am who I am. I am unapologetic for being me! I love me and while I know I am not perfect I do not need to justify myself to anyone! I know I am far from perfect and that is okay because anyone who is real admits they aren't perfect.

I am thankful that my self-worth is strong enough to weather the storms of life and that my character is strong enough to stand up for what is right and apologize to those I have harmed unnecessarily. I refuse to be a pawn in anyone else's dirty games! I respect myself enough to walk away from toxic people and situations and not look back.

Live with purpose not with malice and remember others may cast stones about you but their words cannot take away your truths. Their opinions of you don't make you, your opinions of you make you

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